Suicide over Embarrassment, and humiliation

Everyone is the enemy. It is more liberating to take one's life, than to succumb to the embarassment of succumbing.

Only suitable people that meet an adequate social critiria are entitled to relaxing with friends, family, or loved ones.

Unfortunately, some of us, that have the social status of 'mental health patient', or 'welfare recipient' are not entitled to those privileges. We are lower class citizens, so we are lower priority. We get the shit, whilst more suitable humans get the good things. 

We are entitled to nothing, and your suffering has no witnesses to validate it, not when you are choking on you're own puke from shitting out of your mouth.

This is hell on earth, and there's no other form of purgatory other than to have absolutely no credibility, dignity, or integrity in anything that you are.

Rather than a horror film, a ghost story is different because a ghost is what you can't quite see. James Watkins

 

Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. Rumi

 

Looking forward to the afterlife.

I'm stuck in a perpetual state of purgatory. I have been engaging in extreme pessimism every day in almost every interaction with anyone for about 5 years now. 

I'm noticing that conformed people, or people that have been trained by societies have manifested into a conspiracy type dynamic that is the results of the consequencial dynamic. 

It feels otherworldly. If anyone laughed, or asked me what makes it feel like purgatory, the way they would need me to justify and explain to them what makes me think I'm in a state of purgatory is an example of the manifested purgatory.

Everyone is part of the manifested conspiracy, there's no-one that isn't part of it. I believe I am the only human being in history to have ever experienced this. 

I am completely detached from societal norms, and I find so much about people intolerable.

The authoritian hospital systems, the toxic dynamics of corporate pigs. I think that eventually something will give and I will take my life.

I am not afraid of the afterlife, but the ugly dynamics of humans and society scares me more than I can tolerate.

We need no messiah and no sterile conception of a god menacing us with hell and purgatory. Federica Montseny

 

Fuck everything.

 f I could kill myself I would've been gone 20 years ago when I tried it. 

The consequencial dynamic has handicapped me so that, like a puppet, I'm forced to endure my misery, I'm strung along by the puppeteer.

The sooner I'm gone the better.

I'm the result of 45 years of trauma, and incessant bullying.

Nature doesn't feel compelled to stick to a mathematically precise algorithm; in fact, nature probably can't stick to an algorithm. Margaret Wertheim

 

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect. Edward Gibbon

 

It was the closest to purgatory that I've ever experienced while I've been living. Dave Thomas

 

Condemned from Birth

I didn't start this. I seize up around people because of the trauma human beings have caused me. 

I'm not a conventional person, and I am disgusted by socially conformed people. From the age of four years old, my experiences weren't normal. I started thinking I was an animal. Then the incessant bullying started. My entire life, people have targeted me with discrimination and ridiculed me. 

I am not an educated man, but I was bullied out of school, and they got pretty nasty. I have never trusted people, at all since. 

Especially after they tried to bully me out of life by provoking a suicide attempt. How could I forget the desperation I felt.

I feel like I have been condemned, yet I have reverence for my god. 

Life is beautiful, society isn't