Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

  P. J. O'Rourke

Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking toward me, without hurrying.

  Jean Cocteau

Living with Neuralgia: My Journey Through Chronic Pain

Living with chronic pain is a journey that tests both body and mind. As someone who has battled neuralgia , I’ve experienced first-hand the debilitating effects that relentless pain can have on every aspect of life.

Neuralgia, a type of nerve pain that sends sharp, stabbing, or burning sensations typically along a damaged nerve, is an invisible tormentor. The pain is not just physical; it takes a toll on your emotional and mental well-being. For me, stress significantly exacerbates the pain. It's a vicious cycle: pain increases stress levels, which in turn leads to more pain. I often describe the nerve pain in my head feeling like my head is made of steel, and it is burning hot. 

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with neuralgia is finding effective treatment. The health system often leans towards pharmacological solutions, which might not always address the individual nuances of chronic pain. This has led me, like many others, to explore the legal, or non legal use of narcotics for pain management. While effective to a degree, these solutions come with their own set of challenges, including the risk of dependency.

In my search for relief, I have turned towards mindfulness and the practice of equanimity . Mindfulness meditation has been a refuge; it helps manage the emotional fallout of chronic pain. Practicing mindfulness means being present with pain without judgment, observing the sensations as they are. This approach does not eliminate pain, but it helps change my relationship with it, making it more manageable.

There are moments when the intensity of the pain seems unbearable, when my mind turns to rumination and obsessive thoughts, trapping me in a loop that feels impossible to escape. During these times, my schizophrenia intersects with my neuralgia in ways that amplify both my physical and psychological suffering. It becomes a challenge not just to treat the pain but to maintain mental stability.

 "I'm getting intrusive thoughts about my brain inside my head"

Urotsukidoji Uncensored

 Every 3,000 years, the human world, demon world, and man-beast world come together through the revival of the Super God. This powerful being, known as the Overfiend in the English version, unites these three realms. The story revolves around Jyaku Amano, a man-beast, on a mission to locate the Chōjin and safeguard the future of all three worlds. However, his faith is challenged when he confronts a multitude of demons who intend to destroy the Chōjin and halt the unity of the three realms.

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Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'

 Bill Maher

From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.

  Edvard Munch

The Domino Effect: Navigating Circumstance and Consequence

In life, we often find ourselves at the mercy of circumstance, where one unfortunate event can set off a chain reaction of consequences. This domino effect can shape our decisions, actions, and ultimately, our entire lives. Through my own journey, I've come to understand the profound impact that circumstance and consequence can have, from struggling with self-esteem in high school to battling with addiction and navigating the complexities of mental illness and healthcare systems.

High school, for many, is a tumultuous time where self-esteem can be fragile and easily shattered. I remember feeling inadequate, comparing myself to others, and constantly seeking validation from my peers. This lack of self-worth drove me towards unhealthy coping mechanisms, including substance abuse.

Narcotics provided a temporary escape from reality, but little did I know, they would set off a series of consequences that would haunt me for years to come.

As the dominoes fell, my mental health deteriorated, leading to a diagnosis of schizophrenia—a burden I've carried since 1998. Navigating the mental health system proved to be a daunting task, filled with barriers and stigmatization. Too often, those struggling with mental illness are met with judgment rather than support, exacerbating their condition and perpetuating the cycle of suffering.

Amidst the chaos, health issues began to surface, a consequence of years of neglect and self-destructive habits. Smoking cigarettes, a vice I clung to for solace, now threatened my well-being. The irony of seeking comfort in something that slowly eroded my health was not lost on me. Addiction to medications became another battle, as I grappled with finding relief without falling deeper into dependency.

But it's not just personal choices that contribute to the domino effect. Society's influence cannot be underestimated. The foods we eat, the lifestyle habits we adopt, all ripple outwards, shaping not only our individual lives but the collective well-being of our communities. From fast food culture to sedentary lifestyles, the consequences of societal norms can be profound, affecting everything from public health to economic stability.

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.

   Albert Pike

Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily.

 Napoleon Bonaparte

Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.

 George Eliot

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard