Dying in transgression

I am a broken person. Hyper vigilance never sleeps, and is a constant reminder, that there's a remote chance that I may find myself remembering what true misery feels like in real time. 

Noone will enlighten me, there's no strength in me. This is a point where I have no choice but to run to my god. There's no validation, or mercy for me, and I must turn around and go back. 

This is hell on earth